Do you know who I am?

It has been brought to my attention that my performance levels are waning lately.
Was it Chris Rock who said “Calling a man out for laziness is like playing basketball with a retarded kid, and calling him for double dribble”? Well if you know anything about me, you should know I qualify for that in spades. But in truth, I’ve really been pushing it of late—today I looked up my billed-time utilization at work, and it’s hovering around 50%, while the ideal is at least 80%. That’s probably gonna get noticed sooner or later. So, since halting my weekday-boozing habits to get to work earlier, be more productive, and get to blogging sooner just isn’t an option, I’m going to need to find time somewhere else in my day. Maybe I’ll stop watching 3 hours of history channel and E true Hollywood story reruns every evening. I might consider not playing a full 9 innings of cell-phone baseball while sitting in the bathroom. Perhaps spending 45 minutes properly stacking my macaroni & cheese boxes in the coolest configuration, while the rest of the apartment was a mess, wasn’t the wisest use of time. I’ve also been known to lose more than a few precious moments of free time to staring blankly into space, contemplating nothing but the whir of my own idle brain’s hard drive fan. So, thank you, anonymous. You have sparked a reckoning; I’m turning over a new leaf. A new, uber-Andrew should be appearing forthwith. Crazy-sex-on-NY-swings stories will follow shortly. Now if you excuse me, I have to go put in my tuxedo, get on the Chinatown bus, and make a drunken ass out of myself at a wedding again.