Tailor, a Scarlett "I" please.

A good lesson to learn from a bad weekend event- when falling down drunk, under no circumstances assume you are capable of making important decisions when the lifelong physical appearance of loved ones is at stake. That said, I may never be able to consider myself as anything but a miserable idiot for the rest of my days. And I've also been to my last wedding for a LONG time.

On Saturday at the wedding after-party bar, my beautiful 18 year old sister burned her face. My brother and I were talking a short distance away, and never saw the incredibly idiot brit groomsman showing her how to put a shot of sambuca in her mouth, then light it there before drinking. Only she didn't get it down-- and burning liquor scorched her when it came out. Somebody then took her out of the bar and back to the hotel where the wedding had been. I only found out what happened a long time after, when one of the boys with her when she did it brought her out of the lobby holding ice on her lips and cheeks. And while I know I could do nothing about this until this point, from here on out everything falls squarely on drunk, idiot me. The thoughts "Hospital!" or even "Ask a sober parent!" never crossed into my head (likely due to the mile-thick skull.) I just focused my double vision long enough to diagnose her blisters as "not that bad, you get them on your hands from crew all the time, and it'll be a few days before you start to feel better," put her in a cab (we'd lost my idiot brother somewhere) and took her home, where I tried to make her feel a little better before finally passing out. The next morning, in addition to my being vomitously hungover, my sisters' blisters had turned angry and red, and my parents husled her off to a hospital and then to Mass General's Children Burn Center. My diagnosis was a little off; she'll be fully recovered in about 9-12 months, after spending her sophomore year at a southern college wearing zinc anytime she goes out in the sun.

Also in about 9-12 months, I expect to have worn away some of the excess skull from the front of my head, by continous banging of my head on a desk. Hopefully that'll work out for me, and I'll never figure out a way to top this as my single worst performance as a human, ever.